Who Am I to Say
by rupome
Summary: Based off of Hope's song "Who Am I to Say", Bella contemplates her decision she made with her and Jake's "relationship" and exactly where she goes from there.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight, just the storyline. And maybe Jake's note. Everything else goes to Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

_Love of my life, my soul mate__  
You're my best friend  
__Part of me like breathing  
Now half of me is left_

Bella sat on a random, unfamiliar piece of driftwood on First Beach. _Their_ piece was no more than two feet from her, but she couldn't sit down on that. She couldn't face it. She swiped angrily at a runaway tear as it threatened to touch the sand below her.

She didn't know why she was even here. After what she had done, considering what she had to do now, she should have been home in Forks already; or almost there anyway.

But she felt as though she couldn't do it, couldn't part with this place, this familiarity, this _home_.

She just _had_ to do it, though. She couldn't keep putting Jake through this, could she? Keeping him in limbo while she made up her mind? Edward, Jacob, vampire, werewolf, eternity, life. She knew she loved him; Jacob was her soul mate. But Bella had to be fair to him, and it wasn't fair to only get a fraction of her.

She knew it was right and it was the only way, so why couldn't she breathe? It wasn't like with Edward. A wrapped arm or two around her torso could easily fix that problem, temporarily at least. But no, not this time. Only the large gulps of air she breathed in greedily could help her.

Bella, again, felt half complete.

_Color me blue I'm lost in you  
Don't know why I'm still waiting  
Many moons have come and gone  
Don't know why I'm still searching_

She watched as the sky turned color, the beautiful hues of pinks and oranges reflecting off the water. She combed a hand through her unkempt hair and continued to stare aimlessly. Nothing in the distance interested her.

It was getting late, and Charlie would be worrying soon.

She didn't know why she was still here, why she was still on the beach, why nobody – not Billy, not _Jake_ – had come to check up on her.

_Maybe it's because you asked them not to, Bella._

She bit down on her lip and contemplated the past months. Things had seemed perfect with Jake. They never became an official couple, or anything of that sort, but people just _knew_ something was up with them. They knew – Jake was Bella's, and Bella was Jake's. Bella had felt so close to…something.

But then, she had sprung _this_. And she knew it was right. It _had _to be.

_Now you're a song I love to sing  
Never thought I'd feel so free  
Now I know what's meant to be  
And that's okay with me_

When the lightning bugs started lighting more frequently, she knew it was time to go. She forced herself up off the log with one backward glance towards _their _log.

Although she was nowhere near close to being able to justify her decision or even understand her reasoning, she felt a bit better. Maybe with time, things could, _would_ get better. For her and Jacob. Bella made her way to her truck but stopped a few feet short. She glanced back at the ever familiar second home of hers, with its fading red paint and narrow windows. Although it might take a while, she knew she would be able to come back to this home one day. With a parting smile, she walked the remaining distance to her truck.

Before she could reach for the door handle, she saw a tiny piece of folded paper tucked securely under the wiper of her windshield. The way 'Bella' was written could tell who any day who it was from. She hastily grabbed the paper and read.

**_I don't think I understand why, but I accept your decision._**

**_I'll wait for you, Bells. Always._**

**_Love, Jake_**

Bella got into her truck and placed the folded piece of paper in her glove compartment for safe-keeping. With a smile tugging at her lips and one final glance at the house, she put her truck in reverse and drove out of La Push.

She might not know anything at all, but she knew it would be okay.


End file.
